So it's been awhile. I really haven't been doing much other than being too scared to leave the apartment except to get groceries. Today I managed to get myself onto campus and sit in my office for a few hours. I panicked. Actually started crying in the hallway in a corner so no one would see me. Fortunately, I was able to get a hold of my mom, so she helped calm me down a lot. I also ended up getting scolded for not taking my Lexapro. I just keep wishing I didn't need it. I feel like I should be able to get a grip of myself and move on. But instead I have nightmares of either one of my parents or Fritz dying. I wake up hoping that my cancer comes back instead.

I'm also itchy all over. I assume it's just cause I'm ridiculously anxious and that the cold weather is making my skin dry out. But of course I nervously wonder if it's my cancer coming back, since that was one of the symptoms. But I'm not as crazy itchy as I was then, when I just couldn't stop scratching. I swear my skin became a living nail file so I wouldn't have to cut my fingernails. Now I check my legs everyday to make sure there are no rashes, cause that would be the next phase.

On December 17th I get my first follow up PET scan, on December 19th I see Dr. Mininberg to find out the results, and right in between, on December 18th, is our 2 year wedding anniversary. Clearly I wasn't paying attention when I scheduled those appointments...

I'll have to go now, my stomach is doing it's annoying stuff again. Ever since the surgery it randomly starts churning and cramping. Need to lie down.